


Floating

by Luninarie, Raven_Ehtar



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Character Study, Comfort, Developing Relationship, Friendship/Love, FrostIron - Freeform, Frostiron Fandom Mini Bangs, IN SPACE!, Light Angst, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, POV Tony Stark, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Fluff, Sweet, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 02:49:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18651382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luninarie/pseuds/Luninarie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_Ehtar/pseuds/Raven_Ehtar
Summary: They orbited the Avengers. Two free-floating entities who had no place amongst the others, but who had found some measure of belonging with one another.And with one another, they seemed to also be orbiting. Circling in endless loops, sometimes closer together, sometimes further apart, but never quite…





	Floating

**Author's Note:**

> **Ehtar:**
> 
> Welcome to our entry for the Frostiron Fandom Discord Mini Bang 2019!
> 
> For this project I got to work with the lovely and talented [Luninarie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luninarie)! She's an awesome person all around, gave the prompt for this fic, went above and beyond by acting as a beta, _as well as_ composing a piece of absolutely gorgeous music to accompany this piece, which you can find [HERE](https://soundcloud.com/nuitarie/frostiron-floating)!
> 
> Seriously, go give it a listen. Put it on loop. It's so pretty! ♥
> 
> Enjoy, everyone, and don't forget to give Luninarie lots of love! ♥
> 
> **Luninarie:**
> 
> I'd like to thank Ehtar for being an amazing partner in this project, always supportive and giving me incredible amounts of motivation and joy in creating my part of the piece. They are immensely talented and please go read their other works after that. ♥

Tony stared out into space, watching as the stars drifted by.

The window through which Tony was looking was wide and about half as tall as he was, giving an ample view of the outside. So much so that if Tony just focused on the universe spinning by, he could almost believe that he was floating free through it all. Even though he knew that there was a thick pane of quartz glass between him and the emptiness of space, and even if he could still feel the pressure of false gravity pulling him down…

The inside of the ship might as well have been the inside of one of Tony’s jets, at least in its aesthetics. Soft, bland colors and rounded lines, it wasn’t what leapt to mind when one thought ‘spaceship.’ Unless one were thinking of Star Trek the Next Generation, he supposed. It was surprisingly comforting, though. Even more than the gravity, perhaps, having the interior of the ship be so familiar made the nearness of oblivion seem… less. Less terrifying, and more beautiful.

More breathtaking in one way, and less so in another.

“Enjoying yourself, Anthony?”

Tony smiled, catching his own reflection in the window, and a little of the man who had come up behind him without a sound. “As a matter of fact I am,” he said, tilting his head to get a better look at Loki. “It’s nice to be so far from everything that even all of SHIELD screaming can’t reach us.”

Loki’s reflection returned the smile, fond and appreciative of the sentiment. “Yes. Had I known what a headache it would turn out to be when I joined your bothersome team, I would have declined the honor.”

“Aww, I don’t believe that for a minute.” Tony reached out to touch the quartz glass of the window, expecting it to be cold against his palm, and pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t. He leaned forward to again look outwards, to see as much of the universe as he could while they drifted freely within it. “You enjoy being ‘a part of the team,’ if for no other reason than it gives you so many good opportunities to be a troublemaker. Life wouldn’t be nearly so entertaining if you couldn’t stir up as much trouble as you do while you’re a part of the Avengers.”

Loki _tsk_ ed. “I’m certain that I could find plenty with which to entertain myself, even without access to such easy targets. The universe has no shortage of fools, I can assure you of that.”

“Maybe,” he conceded, and turned slightly to give Loki a direct smirk. “But you _like_ to give us trouble, because you like _us_.”

The smile on Loki’s face was definitely shaded more towards ‘fond’ at that. “ _Some_ of you, perhaps,” he said with a soft snort.

Tony grinned at him, knowing who he meant in the ‘some,’ even if he still wouldn’t say it.

It really _was_ good to get away from Earth for a time, though, Tony had to admit. It was a little bit ridiculous that in order to feel like they were away _enough_ to get some peace they had to leave the planet entirely, but still. It was nice to not have to worry about suddenly being called into battle, or being embroiled in the many squabbles which inevitably happened whenever the team was all gathered together. Or even just dealing with the underlying tensions, which, while many of them had faded over time, had never _completely_ left.

Many of those tensions would probably never leave. The wounds which had caused them were too deep when they’d been set, and while they were healed now, the scars would forever be a reminder.

Tony focused on his hand against the glass. There were only a few inches between his palm and the nothingness of space, and yet it wasn’t cold. Intellectually, he knew it couldn’t be. If the glass were cold - the kind of cold he kept expecting it to be - then the interior of their craft would have been unsurvivable. The kind of cold which would have seeped through the transparent barrier wasn’t a kind of cold which would leave survivors in its wake. There was no mercy or kindness to be found in the vastness of space. The cold there was inexorable, stripping away every last bit of warmth it could find and crushing it. Even the harshest of winters back on Earth would have seemed loving compared to what lay out there, so near to his hand. A yawning void, waiting for any creature which happened to stray too far from the safety of its home world…

“Anthony...?”

Warmth. A wide palm and strong fingers at his arm. Tony stiffened for a moment, and then relaxed, blowing out a breath.  

“Are you alright?” Loki asked, and his voice was also warm, tinged with concern. Concern which could only be there because… “You went so still.”

“Yeah, Lokes, I’m fine.” He shook away the scraps of memories clawing around the edges of his mind, focusing instead on the sensations he could feel in the here and now. The press of his feet against the deck plates, the faint humming of engines and computers, the steady in and out of his breathing, which was slowing to match the soft sound of Loki’s breath, the warmth of his hand soaking into Tony’s arm…

He was fine.

He turned from the window, tearing his gaze away from the deceptive beauty of the galaxy beyond it. “I’m absolutely fine, Reindeer Games.” He smiled, as much to put himself at ease as Loki. “I’m in one of the most kickass shuttle craft ever made, and I’ve got one of the most powerful mages in the universe next to me. Why wouldn’t I be fine?”

Had Tony not known Loki as well as he did, or known him for less time than the two years they had been working together, he might have missed the very slight coloring of his cheeks. Until Loki’s emotions spiked to the point where he could no longer control them at all, it was sometimes difficult to tell what he was feeling. Much of the time he put on a mask of some other emotion, and he’d had centuries of practice at it. But Tony had gotten more than used to Loki and his moods, and had learned to read him pretty well.

Blush or no, Loki wasn’t distracted. “Not even the most powerful of mages, or the most skillfully crafted of ships could hope to protect you completely from your own mind. Which I believe is what is giving you the most trouble.”

“When is it not?” Tony muttered to himself. That was the problem with knowing Loki so well as he did - it went both ways. Loki knew _him_ as well as anyone he had ever met, including people he’d known nearly his whole life. How that had come about, when they had started out as enemies, he still had trouble figuring out. It had happened so gradually, he hadn’t noticed its progression at all. Once upon a time, he wouldn’t have trusted Loki so far as he could throw him, whether in or out of the iron man suit, and now…

Now he didn’t feel even slightly uneasy about hanging out with him so near windows. Even when those windows led out into nothingness.

“That is not a reassuring answer.” Loki raised a brow at him.

Tony sighed. He wished Loki’s hand was still on him. He missed the warmth of it. “No, I suppose it’s not.”

Loki frowned, his long fingers twisting together with each other absently - a small sign that he was upset, and hadn’t yet devised a solution to what was bothering him. “Perhaps… coming out here was a mistake,” he said slowly. “We both agreed to the destination, but I had not given it proper thought before suggesting it. I know that you have... bad memories when it comes to space travel. I should have considered that.”

Tony shook his head. “No, it’s fine, Loki.”

“But--“

“ _It’s fine_.”

Loki still didn’t look convinced. Tony ran a hand down his face, frustrated - though if that was more at Loki or himself he had no idea. “Look, it’s… It’s fine. It’s _not_ , but it is, you know? It’s not like it’s something that I can hide from forever, and it’s not something which I _want_ to avoid forever. I _wanted_ to come out here with you, Lokes. Get away from all the crazy back at home and enjoy some damned peace and quiet - and what better place to do that than out here? Sure I’ve got some hang ups, but, you know. It’s gotten better over the years. And you being here helps.”

The last part slipped out without his meaning to say it, without it even being a thought before it was spoken aloud. It made Loki’s eyes widen ever so slightly, and Tony gave him a small smile. It might not have been intentionally said, but that didn’t make it any less true.

Tony shrugged, and glanced over his shoulder, taking in the panorama of wheeling stars. “Besides. It’s not even ‘space’ itself which gets to me. It starts off the anxiety, but it’s not what really bothers me when you get down to it.”

There was the sound of quiet footsteps and whispering cloth, of Loki stepping closer so he was directly beside Tony. He could almost feel the heat of the mage’s body reaching out to touch him. “Is it not?”

“No,” he said, only barely loud enough to be heard. He paused, still staring out the window, but able to see Loki watching him closely out of the corner of his eye. “… It’s not the unknown which is actually frightening. The unknown is just… potential. It’s neutral, neither good or bad, and if you’ve got the gumption, you can take hold of that potential and make it into whatever you need. There’s a lot to be said for potential, and for the unknown. It’s the known which is a bitch. Knowing something with certainty is so much worse than being uncertain, in a lot of ways.”

Tony had never been afraid of the dark, or of large spaces, or of ‘the unknown,’ or even of the unknow _able_ before in his life, and he would maintain that he still wasn’t. It wasn’t the void which filled him with dread.

It was the knowledge that it wasn’t _all_ void. There were others out there, powerful beings who could descend upon his little blue ball of a planet and squash it like a bug. And all he would be able to do was watch helplessly as everyone around him died. He knew, he _knew_ that it was possible, that such beings were out there. He knew it, and knew that if it came down to it, no matter how hard he tried… it wouldn’t be enough. All the promises he’d ever made, including those to himself, it would all be for nothing.

In the end, he wouldn’t be enough. Just like he always knew he wouldn’t be.

Loki was watching him, studying his face. He could see the Asgardian doing it out of the corner of his eye, could almost see the way the thoughts turned behind those green eyes of his. After a moment or two of silence, he gave a small sigh, and leaned a shoulder against the window, his head falling in such a way that he was staring out at the universe with Tony.

“Yes…” he said, speaking to the stars. “With the unknown, one is faced only with what one can imagine. And imaginations can be so very limited in their scope. Reality is much more inventive, and much crueler. It cares not for the petty creatures within it, whereas in one’s mind, even if the constructs are malicious, there is the comfort that at least there is some attention paid to you. Reality… you might as well not exist. And unlike your imagination, there is no escape from it.”

It was Tony’s turn to look at Loki, while he continued to look out at the stars.

That was right. Tony wasn’t the only one who had ever gotten too close and personal with the big black. And he wasn’t the only one who had found more than simply stars waiting there, either.

Tony examined Loki, tracing the sharp lines of his face with his eyes, the length of his throat left open and bare as he tilted to see out the window, the curve of his lips, the way his eyes reflected back the cold light of the stars. They were so close that Tony could smell the scents of the soaps he had used that morning, felt the heat of his body across the little distance separating them, could see the throb of his pulse at the base of his throat. They were close enough that if he wanted, Tony could reach out and touch him, could tug him close until they were pressed together, no longer alone in the void but clinging to one another…

He was reasonably certain that Loki wouldn’t protest.

He didn’t, though. As much as he wanted to, and as much as he might think that Loki would be accepting, possibly even welcoming, he kept his hands to himself. “With uncertainty at least, you have the comfort of ‘maybe not’.”

Loki smiled. “And with false certainties, there’s nothing whatever to even question.”

It made Tony pause. There was that side of things as well, wasn’t there? That whole ‘adopted’ thing which Thor had thrown out years ago like an afterthought.

Loki had begun his life believing one thing implicitly. Believing that he belonged with the family which had raised him, believing himself to be a Prince of Asgard, believing himself… wanted.

And then had come the revelation. That his family was not his family, that he had come from a race despised and considered monsters. A race which his nearest and dearest had happily killed for centuries, and which his own brother had attempted to reignite the war with out of hate and preemptive annihilation.

And Loki was one of them. Not a part of his family, but one of those whom they all hated implicitly, and would happily see dead and broken.

Reality had been crueler in its inventiveness than anything he had dared to dream of up until that point, and he couldn’t escape it.

The unknown was potential.

The unknown was solace.

Loki didn’t startle when Tony brushed his fingers over his cheek, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. He turned his eyes to Tony, and they shared a smile.

“Knowing too much kind of brings its own brand of uncertainty with it, doesn’t it?” he said quietly. “Shakes up the status quo, resets the pieces.”

“That it does.”

His hand still in contact with Loki’s skin, he traced his thumb over the sharp curve of a cheekbone. “Do you think you would ever go back to how it was before, though, knowing what you do now? Just re-reset yourself into ignorance?”

Loki leaned into the gentle touch, and there was the barest flash of teeth. “It may seem a tempting offer, but no.” He looked at Tony, his gaze intense. “I don’t think I would ever trade the hard won knowledge, nor the relationships I’ve begun to cultivate now for the false peace I had then.”

Tony returned the grin. “I didn’t think you would. And neither would I. Peace is nice, but…” Words nestled at the back of tongue, waiting to be spoken - _wanting_ to be spoken. Speeches about how if he went back into the past and was reset into the man he was then, he wouldn’t have what he had _now_. The man of several years ago never would have imagined _this_ , sharing soft words and intimate space with Loki. He never would have imagined that he could feel so at ease in Loki’s company, or feeling _safer_ with him around, or that Loki’s presence would calm him in ways nothing else had ever managed. There were things he could mourn the loss of through the passage of years and his time as Iron Man, but there were also things he had gained, and to lose them… He wasn’t sure there was anything which he could be offered which would convince him to make that trade.

He hoped that the same held true for Loki. That in this future of broken realities, on the far side of capture, torture and everything else, that there was _something_ which made it all at least a little bit better.

“Peace is nice,” he said, “but I think I prefer a little chaos and mischief in my life. Don’t you?”

The look he was given in response warmed Tony from the inside out. It spoke more than the words they had ever exchanged that, _yes_ , he did prefer this outcome of events.

They had both lived through more than could be expected. They had both managed to survive, to fight back and win, and picked themselves up to move on stronger than before.

Stronger, but at the same time a little more broken than before.

Tony couldn’t look up at the sky without feeling just the faintest stab of uneasiness shiver through him. He was lucky if he could pass a handful of nights together without waking up from nightmares. Nightmares of darkness, of coldness, of ranks of enemies standing and waiting in readiness. Sometimes the darkness was edged with the flickering light of torches, or cut through with the cold blue glow of flashlights. Sometimes the air would be filled with the scents of damp and old food and metal, and the faces ranged around him were familiar in shape but alien in their specifics - men who wished nothing more than the latest which could be had of his mind before they destroyed him.

Sometimes the darkness with shot through with the twinkling of far off stars, and there was no air at all. There was nothing to breathe, nothing to hold on to as he felt everything inside him fight to get out, to fill the void around him - heat, air, consciousness… and in the distance, ranks of figures, alien in their totality, wishing nothing whatever of him, save his destruction…

There was a barrier between him and others. The _certainty_ he had gained separated him from those around him, those whom he called his friends and teammates. He’d come back from the void, and yet he still felt as though a part of him had remained there. Like a part of him _had_ been pulled out and been lost in the darkness and cold, and without that key part, he would forever be separated from everyone around him.

Until Loki had come.

He’d been a part of that void as well. If anything, _more_ of him had been lost there, leaving even less of him behind than had happened with Tony. He could almost see it, at times. A quietness would come over Loki, and his eyes would lose focus as he remembered times when he’d been torn apart and put back together into grotesque shapes…

He’d never asked if Loki suffered from nightmares as well. He didn’t have to, the signs were all there to see. He was certain that Loki never asked _him_ the same question because the signs were just as obvious on him.

He could see them whenever he looked in a mirror.

Pieces of them had been lost out in the void. And then they’d found each other.

“Why did you agree to come? This place… it cannot be easy. Why would to say yes to being alone here with me?”

Tony blinked at him. It was an odd question. Tony tried to come to grips with it, wondering if Loki was teasing him… but no. He seemed perfectly serious. Still leaning into the absent touch of Tony’s palm, he watched Tony earnestly, seeking answers to the question of ‘why,’ when it seemed like the most obvious thing to Tony.

He licked his lips, trying to form his feelings into words which made sense. “It’s not… not a case of being alone with you.”

Bottomless green eyes stared into him, more a reflection of what lay outside the ship than any reflection of stars could manage. “Then what is it?”

Tony held his gaze, even though it felt as though he were being pulled in, tugged forward to fall helplessly into Loki. They had both fallen, perhaps, and Tony could feel the floor beneath him tilt in sympathy.

“It’s… _not_ being alone when I’m with you.”

For a moment, even the small, constant sounds of the ship seemed to stop. Loki’s lips parted in tiny display of shock, and Tony couldn’t help but smile at it, his fingers curling a little more around Loki’s cheek.

It was true, though. Together they weren’t alone, and Tony doubted that was something which either of them could say about sharing company with anyone else. Their experiences separated them from everyone around them, but it brought them that much closer to each other.

They orbited the Avengers. Two free-floating entities who had no place amongst the others, but who had found some measure of belonging with one another.

And with one another, they seemed to also be orbiting. Circling in endless loops, sometimes closer together, sometimes further apart, but never quite…

Loki gave a small huff and straightened, pulling away from Tony’s touch. Rather than feel cold in the absence, Tony felt warm down to his toes at the fond smile he was given. “And there are some who would say that not being alone, simply because they are in _my_ company, is infinitely _worse_ than being alone, whatever the surrounding circumstances might be.”

“Well, obviously those people are fools. Or have no sense of humor,” he added, knowing full well the sort of people who would have made a statement like that. He’d met some of the people Loki had known and grown up with on Asgard - briefly, but still enough to have been less than dazzled. “Their loss for not appreciating you when they had the chance.”

“Ridiculous human,” the mage muttered, though even that seemed to have a little affection tingeing the words.

“Troublemaking alien,” he shot back, still grinning.

“Hmph.” He took a step away from the window, and from Tony. The mage straightened his clothes fastidiously, a distraction for the both of them from the interaction they’d just had, of how close their orbits had come to each other before pulling away again. When he’d finished, he looked back at Tony with a more neutral expression, but far from the coldness which might have been expected had he been looking on anyone else. “If you’re feeling up to it, I took the liberty of uploading some charts into JARVIS’ data banks, which will show us where we are and a significant portion of the territory around us.”

Tony was instantly intrigued. “Charts? Like _star charts?_ Where did you get your hands on those?”

The wicked grin came back in a blink. “Oh, who can remember details like that? After all, one navigation room looks very much like another…”

“You’ll have to tell me some day just how many times Fury has tried to recruit you to be a super-secret spy and thief for him. I keep having visions of him sending you little courting gifts, trying to bribe you into his fold of informants and flunkies.”

Tony got a snort in response to that. “Yes, well. I’d say that the Director, if he _did_ ever make such an attempt on my loyalties, would have to try much harder than-- than the traditional sorts of gifts. I am not easily won.”

“No, I suppose you’re not, are you?” Tony agreed, still grinning at him. “Though I get the feeling that has more to do with where the courting is coming from. At least in Fury’s case.”

“The company he keeps doesn’t not entirely recommend or endear him to me, either.” Loki grimaced, pulling a face like he’d just bitten into something sour.

“You mean other than ours?”

“Of course. Our company is impeccable.”

Tony laughed at that. Never let it be said that Loki was humble. He pushed away from the window and stretched. He _could_ stretch. There was no danger keeping him constrained… and it was nice to feel the gentle gaze of Loki on him as he moved.

“Well, then,” he said, catching Loki flicking his gaze back up to Tony’s eyes. “Shall we examine those charts, which you gained completely above board and with the permission of their original owners?”

“I’m hurt, Anthony,” he said, and Tony had to repress the smirk which threatened at the sound of his name on Loki’s tongue. “You say that as though you don’t trust me at all.”

“On the contrary.” He moved closer to the other man, daring to put his hand on his hip as he passed him, on his way through the door behind him. “I trust you more than anyone else.”

He waited only long enough to catch that barely-there blush begin to rise to Loki’s cheeks, before he was moving past the mage, drawing his hand away and moving through the door. They might tease and dance around one another for now, but there was no real doubt for either of them, he thought, where they really stood with one another.

In some ways, certainty wasn’t all that bad. Reality wasn’t _always_ cruel. There were times when the potential one saw came with a promise to be met fully when reality at last closed in… but there was no need to rush headlong into it. The dance, even if its conclusion was all but assured, could be just as exhilarating as its finish.

And until they made that final step, Tony was content to be as they were. Free, and floating in a sea shot through with glittering possibilities.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! 
> 
> **Ehtar:**
> 
> You can find me on  
> Tumblr: [@ehtarwrites](http://ehtarwrites.tumblr.com/)  
> Twitter: [@ehtarwrites](https://twitter.com/ehtarwrites)  
> Discord: @ehtarwrites#4962 
> 
> If anyone wants to come say hi or chat about nerdy things, hmu! ♥
> 
> **Luninarie:**  
>  If you enjoyed the music and would like to hear more:  
> Soundclound: [Nuitarie](https://soundcloud.com/nuitarie)  
> Spotify: [Nuitarie](https://open.spotify.com/artist/59y3Qpc6FXIkZtpgRWMY9b)  
> And I'm also posting silly stuff on Tumblr: [Nuitarius](https://nuitarius.tumblr.com/)  
> See you soon ;)


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